1. TELEPHONE CALLS FROM UNKNOWN NUMBER
It was July 10 and about a month ago, when I received several phone calls at around 6 a.m. We were sleeping then, and I wondered who was calling at such an early hour. We have three phones; one landline and two mobiles which belong to me and my husband. My mobile phone rang first, then followed by the landline. I didn't know who the number belonged to, but I called back from my mobile phone.
The receiver's voice was my brother who is one year younger than I am. He lives with his wife and daughter in our parents' house in the Eastern part of Japan. The last time I saw him was about 10 years ago when I introduced my husband to my family. I have one brother and one sister and I am the eldest. Having moved to the Western part of Japan, I haven't seen my family for a long time.
My brother said that our mother had just passed away at the hospital. She was 80 years old. Not only did her appetite decreased these past two weeks, but she also lost her speech. My brother continued saying that he had been trying to contact our sister several times, but he couldn't reach her anymore. He also told me that they had an argument a few months ago, and she seemed to have blocked his number so she can ignore all his calls. My brother asked me to inform her that our mother had died at about 5 a.m. He also told me that he would call me as soon as he has made an arrangement for a funeral. We talked for about 15 minutes, and then I called my sister from my mobile phone.
I was able to reach her, and she seemed to have just woken up. I told her about our mother's death, she seemed a little shocked at first, but she said "Well, okay, I understood."
All the pictures except the one in No.6 were taken
when I visited in Hyogo Flower Park on Sept. 21, 2015.
2. MY SISTER’S PERSONALITY
Until then, I couldn't remember the last time I talked to my sister. She has a strong personality. Like my brother, I had the same experience that no matter how I tried to reach her, I couldn't talk to her.
My sister and I seem to have inherited our father's liking to birds, and one time we had a discussion on how to take care of pet birds. I had been to several clinics that specialize in Avian pets. Veterinarians advised me to use a pet heater for older birds during colder temperatures. My sister has never visited veterinarians on the other. One time, her bird became weak due to old age, she asked me for advice. I told her to get a pet heater and hang it outside the cage so that her bird becomes more comfortable. However, she refused to buy one for the possible reason of her apartment catching fire especially when she goes out for work.
Several days later after that incident, I called her again, I received the automatic voice message, "The number you dialed was not reached because of our customers' request." I was so shocked and unhappy hearing that.
Anyway, several years later, she started sending me year end gifts, so I sent her some gifts in return. However, I didn't write any message because I was afraid that it may upset her again.
3. ABOUT MY FATHER
Our father was born in 1933 and passed away in 1992. He was one of the traditional Japanese men who say "High school education is enough for girls. They are supposed to marry in their early 20s. They should take care of the children and the house." He suggested that I should learn sewing Kimonos by hands because he heard that Kimono seamstresses were able to make more money than the ones who sewed western clothes.
I was not attracted to what he had told me. I wanted to explore various things outdoors. I was especially interested in studying English and communicating with people overseas. To be more specific, I wanted to study English in college after graduating from high school.
When I was a high school student, I always had a part time job to prepare for my tuitions in college. I worked from 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. from Monday to Friday. We had morning classes on Saturdays, so right after classes, I went to work from 2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. I also worked from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. on Sundays.
High school students are allowed to work until 10:00 p.m. unless there is a school regulation prohibiting it. I was willing to work at a restaurant as a dish washer until 10:00 p.m. to save money for college. However, my mother told me to be home by 8:30 p.m. because my father didn't want me to work because I was a high school student then. She suggested that I stay outside late would upset my father, and our curfew was 8:30 p.m.
I once had a bitter experience with my father. One time told my father "I had a busy day from my part time job, and I'm completely tired now." He hit me violently. Since then, I never told my father about my part time job, more so, my wish to go to college.
4. MY COLLEGE DAYS
I left our parents’ house when I was 18. It was just 6 months before graduating from high school, I found some scholarship programs sponsored by major newspaper companies. I was accepted, and I got a full scholarship for a 2-year program in college, in exchange for delivering newspapers to more than 200 households and collecting their monthly subscription fees. My board and lodging was also supplied by the newspaper agent for the same period. I told my mother that I was leaving the house in the following week of graduation, but I didn't tell anything to my father.
I was one of the six interns at the newspaper delivery shop. Two of them were from Hokkaido, the other two were from Kyushu, and another one was from Kanto like myself. Thirty years ago, we didn't have mobile phones. There was just a landline in the store, and we had to share the phone. I received frequent phone calls from parents asking about their children. They were worrying about their children's new days in Tokyo. Some sent us several melons so that all of us were able to share the summer delicacy from Hokkaido. All of us had his or her portion in the big dining table at the same time chatting about how the summer is like in Hokkaido. I waited for calls from my mother asking about my new life. However, I didn't receive any calls for the first six months.
5. THE WAY MY MOTHER TREATED US
Finally, I received a phone call from my mother. I was so excited at first. However, she immediately started asking for money. She was interested in the money I had saved from my part time job during my high school days. I put aside that money just in case the scholarship program didn't work out. I have to pay back the money the newspaper agent spent on me upon leaving the lodging, in case things didn't turn out well.
She also told me the reason why she needed the money. My brother wanted to get a driver's license, so he needed to pay the driving school. Even though that I was not her favorite, I would have been happier if she wanted the money to buy food. I didn't understand why she treated me like that when I was 18. Several questions were running through my head like, "Why did my mother ask me to send money for my brother's tuition?", "Why did my brother ask our mother for money?", "Why didn't he look for a part time job as he was already old enough?"
Anyway, I sent the money she wanted without saying anything. As I grew older, I understood what she meant. She expected her son to take care of her in the long run. She spared no effort to make him happier.
The scholarship program I had was very tough because I had to get up early as 4 a.m. to deliver newspapers even if it was raining or snowing. I had to rush back from school to deliver the evening edition newspapers. There were six of us when the scholarship program started. Only the two of us completed the program. I knew that if I had chosen to study at a 4-year university, I could not have completed.
Recalling that time, that 2-year period was the hardest time I have ever had, but I was so glad that I had good teachers and friends to support me on a daily basis. By the time I finished college, I felt more comfortable living alone rather than going back to my parents' place, so I moved to a small apartment in Yokohama.
6. MY FATHER’S FUNERAL
My father died 22 years ago when he was only 59. Back then I was 27 years old. One week before his death, my mother called me. I visited him a few times on his last days. The whole family was there for his funeral. We were still close to each other then, so we didn't talk about dividing the inheritance.
I had a bitter experience with my mother at that time. I decided to stay over one Friday night at my parents' house. I went there by train. My mother and I talked about various things until midnight. I had a budgerigar at that time, and it was one of my most favorites. I felt sorry for the bird because I had to leave it alone for one nights. My mother used to have a budgerigar before I was born, and she seemed to love her bird. I didn't remember clearly, but it happened suddenly when we talked about pet birds then. Out of the blue, she suggested that I feed my bird some salt so that it would die and I didn't have to take care of it anymore. I don't know if that is true. Anyway, I got mad and talked back. Then, she demanded that I leave her place right away.
My budgerigars
This picture was taken on Mar. 23, 2010.
7. HOW I THANKED MY FRIEND
It was almost 2:00 a.m., and I didn't know how much would cost if I called a taxi to Suginami where I was living then. A taxi driver would have asked me extra charge for midnight service, so I dialed one of my friends instead. She granted me a favor even if it was after midnight. She came over to the house 30 minutes later to pick me up. Then, it took 40 minutes to my apartment. I told her what had happened with my mother.
I also apologized to my friend all the way to my apartment. It was the last time I stayed overnight at my parents' place. I was so embarrassed for making such an imposition to my friend. To avoid it from happening again, I promised myself that I would leave my parents place once I have finished my errands. I thought that my mother may have been severely stressed out or something because she seemed a bit mentally unstable. I guess at that time, she felt some kind of relief for making me unhappy.
Actually my brother and I saw our mother crying a number of times after our parents had arguments. Our father hit our mother violently. I don't remember what they argued about, though. Anyway, it was clear that our mother didn't live like that way. She must have been miserable when he shouted to her "Go back to your parent's place right away!" in front of their children. She had to depend on him financially because she had no skills to earn money to raise her three children. Even if her parents' house was located close by, she didn't go back and ask for any financial help from her mother who was over 70 at that time. Her father already passed away then. Therefore, she had no choice but to live with our father.
I guessed that if I had called a taxi to drive from my parents’ house to my apartment, the driver would have charged me around 20,000 yen. I thought it was just too much. I gave my friend 10,000 yen because I was afraid our friendship wouldn’t continue unless I showed her some form of gratitude. I was relieved when she accepted the money and stayed at my apartment until midday. I learned how to thank people from my grandmother.
8. MY GRANDMOTHER
I recalled when my grandmother died at the age of 93. I was around 20 then. My mom's mother had nine children, however three had passed away at that time. Her remaining six children and more than 50 grandchildren attended the funeral. All of the relatives were close with each other. Everyone loved her. I thought our grandmother handled the family very well in a way that we all got along well.
My grandmother seemed to have enjoyed chatting with me once in a while. She also asked me to do some chores such as weeding her garden or watering flowers. After finishing these chores, she always said, "thank you" and handed me 100 yen for my pocket money. Forty years ago, 100 yen was good enough for an elementary school child.
Similar to the way my grandmother treated me before, my mother gave my sister gasoline money when my sister helped her.
As for my brother, no matter how my sister helped him, he didn't thank her verbally, nor did he give presents or money to show his gratitude.
I guess that my brother's character is weak. He has a good wife who can control him very well. He may think that he owes her in many ways. My brother is not bossy to me since I am one year older than him, but he takes advantage of my sister's kindness since she is 8 years younger than him. I guess the way he treated our sister was just too much.
9. MY BROTHER’S FAMILY
My brother started as an apprentice to my father at the age of 15. He is 48 now, and he has been working as a carpenter for the last 33 years. When my sister opened up the idea of selling the house, he strongly opposed it. He has been living that house for more than 25 years.
When I talked with my sister when my mother died last month, she told me about what she had thought for the past years. "Our mother has been very ill these years. She lived with our brother, his wife, and their daughter who is in her early 20's. Our brother and his wife were seemingly not interested in taking care of her. She had few visitors. His wife brought her something to eat for breakfast and supper, but she never ate with our mother. Eating alone made her unhappy, she needed to have some company to chat with."
"For lunch, she ate rice balls which I had prepared. A caregiver used to visit for two and a half hours, three times a week to help her bathe. Our brother was the one who ate with our mother on the first floor. Our brother's wife worked full time, and she was mostly out of the house except on her days-off on Tuesdays and Fridays. Their daughter rarely saw our mother even if they lived in the same house. She would often go directly to her room upstairs. Our mother seemed to have been very lonely during those days. Only a few relatives visited her in the past years. In this regard, I was the one who used to take care of her as much as I could. The helping hands offered by our brother's family was apparently not enough, we could have sold our parent's house to pay for her care. At that time, I suggested that our mother be moved to an apartment where nurses and caregivers can take care of her 24 /7. Our parents bought that house, it rightfully belongs to her."
To me, it seemed like he was thinking "What a crazy idea to tear down the house and sell it for the benefit of an 80-year-old ailing mother mother?"
10. THE LONELY FUNERAL
According to our sister, our brother told her off last April and that the next time they meet, he's going to need a lawyer with him. Obviiously he was irritated by something she had said.
When it comes to our mother, our brother took care of her funeral arrangement. Only 5 people attended the funeral including two relatives, and our brother's family. Our sister and I didn't attend the funeral. What was the reason for our mother's very lonely funeral?
One reason was probably because our mother was very old and most of her siblings and friends have already passed away.
Our mother was the youngest among nine siblings. Her two remaining brothers were over 80. One of them from Tokyo attended the funeral while the other couldn't because he had a problem walking. One nephew, Yasuo chan, who used to visit my mother also attended the funeral.
I guess that the other reason was our brother didn’t know how to talk with our relatives properly.
One nephew studied law in a major university. The other nephew has been a judicial scrivener for these years. He has been taking care of documents regarding legal professional handling land-and-house registrations. My brother has never contacted them although they may likely have good legal advice for us on how to handle our parents' property.
11. TRUST ISSUES WITH MY BROTHER
I was amazed when he even asked me for our sister’s current address because they live just 30 minutes apart. He also told me that our sister had come over to our parent's house and took our mother's bank book. He also claimed that she didn’t take care of our mother well. He wanted to take back her bank book. Then, I asked him if he knew our mother’s bank name and branch, he said no. He also told me he has never seen her bank book.
He also told me that he wanted to withdraw the cost he had spent for the funeral. He said, "Our mother had told me to use her savings for the funeral ceremony in the event that she died." The fact that our mother asked our sister to handle her money, our mother trusted her much more than our brother who lived with our mother.
In this regard, I wrote to my brother saying thank you for taking care of our mother for a long time and the funeral arrangement. I added "Did our mother write her last will and testament in a way that is legally acceptable? Our sister still keeps our mother’s bank book. She can't withdraw the money unless she submits the documents signed by all the heirs. So, don't worry. Now we lost both parents which means we inherited the real estate which is registered under the name of our father. For our sister’s sake, I am willing to bring the case in court. Unless our mother didn't leave any testament, the court will probably order us to divide the inheritance equally."
My brother was flabbergasted. He finished high school at 15 years old, and he didn't have the slightest idea of what the law stipulates. I told him to contact his cousins who studied law. However, he hasn't contacted any of them.
I don’t trust what our brother says anymore. The person who contributed the most time, help and love to our mom was obviously my sister.
My sister told me on the phone that she got mad when our brother declared, "I will inherit the house of Yamada's." He said that in front of our relatives and my mother some years ago.
It sounded like she couldn’t control her emotions towards our brother’s words, so I told her, “How would you feel if I will sing in the New Year's Eve NHK music festival in front of our relatives, would you also get mad at me?"
She giggled, so I told her "Whether they allow me to sing at the TV music festival or not is decided by the sponsor, NHK. It is the same thing. Our mother didn’t write any legal document, which means his declaration is not valid according to the current Japanese law. You have the right to inherit one third of the fortune, so don't get mad."
13. MY THOUGHTS
Under the current Japanese law, if we would like to waive our rights to inherit our parents' savings and real estate, we should submit legal documents to the domestic court within 3 months of his or her death.
Our parents' house is registered under the name of our father who died 22 years ago. None of the family members submitted his or her legal documents for waiving their rights at that time. That means my mother inherited 50%, the other 50% was divided equally among my brother, my sister and myself.
When my mother passed away last month, my siblings and I inherited her share. For the past 30 years, I have visited our parents' place only 10 times or so because I couldn't get along with my mother.
I have submitted my legal documents to the court to abandon the rights I could inherit from my mother. The court has just sent me a certification that my request was accepted. I haven’t told about this to our sister and brother. I will keep it as a secret until the 3 months deadline.
I don't worry about my brother because he has a good wife that takes care of him. His daughter may also help him.
I am mostly grateful to my sister for devoting herself in taking care of our mother for ten years. In case anything happens to my sister, who remains single, I would like to try my best to take care of her. END
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